Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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