Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
