you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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