Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
