It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
