So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
