It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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