did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
