It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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