Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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