Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
