i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
