we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
