How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize