just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
