can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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