i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its about making memories worth repressing
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
