a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
