First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize