this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
