i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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