she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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