The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize