Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
