I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
