Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lost the right to judge tonight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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