there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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