Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
