Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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