we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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