your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
