I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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