Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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