I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
