I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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