i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
