I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
