did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
