Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
