woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
