dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
