I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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