I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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