dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
