Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
