Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
