I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
