my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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