Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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