I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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