We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
