C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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