So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
