Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
