Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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