Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
