Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
