Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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