Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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