The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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