remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
