How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
