Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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