Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
