Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize