well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
