She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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