i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
