her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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