Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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