she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
