she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
