dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
