I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
