I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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