"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
