You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
