my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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