He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
