You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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