At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize