My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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