no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
