I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
