last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
