i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
