I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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