Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
