i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
