he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
