DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
