Dual....:-)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
