I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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