She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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