i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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