Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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