Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
