i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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