so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What a dumb baby whore.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
