You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
