Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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