The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize