i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
